What we do in life echoes in eternity

Day 22 (6-8 Saturday) This is probably the most intimate my blog is going to get, so "Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself," " What is your deepest fear?" This question was posed to me on the second day we were in Siena, by our resident professional question asker Karli Hagstrom. This is a bit of a conundrum when it comes to questions and is not easily answered. It took me some time to gather myself and think about what truly was my deepest fear. The first things that popped into my head were two things that I was definitely not fearful of. The first is death, and the second not knowing what to do with my life. There are a couple of reasons I do not fear death, the first being the fact that I know God will take care of me, and second because of something my pastor at Moscow CLC said, "You are indestructible if you have the life of Jesus in you." This was something that really stuck out to me, and I really took note of. It is true, god has a plan for each of our lives and as long as we are living for God, our life will not end until God has chosen it to end. As far as not fearing not knowing what I will do with my life, I know that God will reveal his plan for me on his time, and that I will figure it out eventually, just have to learn some patience. Shortly after those two things went through my mind a few other things came to mind about what my deepest fear is. If you have not noticed I am a man who likes to use quotes, so a quote has again come to mind. This quote by Marianne Williamson has probably become one of the most famous quotes in the world for three reasons, the first being it was used by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural address, second it was used in the movie Coach Carter, and third just because of the sheer magnitude of her words. "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God. It is not just in some of us; its in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." This quote has so much power behind it, because it can do exactly what it says to do. It actually helped me to figure out what my fear was. The other thing that helped me to figure this out is another talk done by Dan Johnson called Indestructible Legacy, again using quotes he said this, which he quoted from some one, and it really struck me. "What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." This is what my fear is, that I will not leave behind a legacy. I know that it might sound a little conceded, but it's not I care nothing about fame or glory. I fear that I will not impact this world in some sort of positive way. I fear that when I die, I will just have been a statistic, another tally in the population total. That I will not have done something to impact some ones life. That I will have done nothing to make the world better. One of my favorite movies is Kingdom of Heaven, in this movie there is a man who in his black smith shop has something branded into the wood, and it says "What man is a man who does not make the world better." There are a lot of problems in the world today, and we would all like to solve those problems, the thing is though we are the main cause of those problems. We all in some way help these problems out either actively or passively. Silence is agreement. We cannot just sit around and wait on the world to change. Michael Jackson, sang a song once and this is part of that song, "If you want to make the world a better place take a look at your self and make that change." Although it is just a song by Michael Jackson I think the message is powerful and universal. The question is though how do we do this? Dave Matthews Band has a song called "You Might Die Tryin'," and my favorite part of the song is this "To change the world, start with one step, however small the first step is hardest of all. Once you get your gait you'll be walking tall. You said you never did, because you might die tryin'." Imagine if Jesus never tried because he knew he might die trying. That is my deepest fear. I need to take that first step though, because if that one step causes someone else to step, and in turn they cause someone to step and so on, you soon have a movement. And movements can change the world. I pray that as I live my life that I will do a good enough job of emulating Christ, that I will impact a life. "Every man dies not every man truly lives." -William Wallace